I am Proud of You

The title Says it all.
If I could only tell you one thing, this is it: I am Proud of You.

I worry that I deny this and tell you that I’m not proud of you every time I’m cross with you (especially when I shouldn’t be), every time I snap at you or shout at you (even though there are times when you need to be shouted at ;), every time I’m not there when you go to bed, or when I rush out the house with barely a “hello, goodbye” (which is every weekday).

When I fail to notice something that you are trying to say to me
When I don’t praise you for something you tried really hard at
When I pooh-pooh something that is important to you

I am so sorry for all of these things. Many of them are my fault.
Many are just… the way it is.
But for all of them, my heart tears when I think about them and about how they make you feel, and if I could I would pay any price to go back and erase each of these occasions. Because there is nothing worse for me (for any father) than knowing that I have hurt one of my children – by omission or comission.

But this is not about my sorrow – that’s my problem.
It’s not even about your pain.
It’s about my pride in how fantastic you are.

Each tiny victory in your life is special and is worth celebrating.
You have no idea how my heart swells and my very being feels lighter when I see you grow by a tiny amount or accomplish a small thing which you have not done before or when I just reflect on your character and bask in the warmth of what I see of your inner being.

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